Here and There and Everywhere

After having the privilege of returning to Shekinah for my 7th season, one thing still strikes me as unique: seniority. The thing that makes it so special here at Shekinah, is that every year you come and there is a whole new staff than the year before. You feel like you are in a different place entirely. But the one thing that never changes is Tom. As the director, he has seen people come and go for 12 years, and he knows who everyone is, how they are wired, and where they are needed. And that's where the "unique" comes in: no matter who is new and how important they are, Tom always knows who the veterans are and how skilled each of them are. And it just so happens, that for my 7th year, I was that veteran who gets called to move up in the ranks. As in many situations such as Shekinah, qualified staff is sometimes hard to come by, and when Tom saw the need for a Director's Assistant and a Barn Manager Assistant, he saw no one more fit than Thing 1 and Thing 2- Emaly and I. By raising the two of us up and putting us both of either side of his ministry mindset, he not only helped the camp staff grow, but had Emaly and my self esteem at an all time high. Us, just a couple of teenagers, have been finally recognized for all our hard work, and now we have the chance to shine. After a very slow and busy 6 months, we finally moved into our trailer, and put on our badges. After going up and down about the quality and importance of my position for weeks prior, I was pleasantly surprised with my own staff trailer to share with Emaly and Chloe when they were on campus, and a very high position of leadership. I spent most of Sunday through Tuesday basking in the glory of my new position, but I became very lazy. I would forget to do simple tasks that Tom, the very man who I was supposed to assist, needed me to complete. I was stuck on how tired I was for most of my day, and I looked for any reason to get out of work. Although, I was always eager to assert my leadership and I held my special job to make sure the Walkie Talkies were distributed higher than anything else I was supposed to do. I realize now that I took that all for granted then, and probably now. After having my first real campfire last night I noticed in a big way that I am not in the spiritual place that I should be. Considering that, I have been praying and meditating a lot about how I didn't know if I was in the right place, if my spriritual and mental statuses reflected that, and whether I rushed into this job too quick because it was what I wanted, when really God had other plans. Shortly after Morning Chapel today, Tom pulled me into his office for a little meeting, and I was positive that it was to talk about my lacking work ethic, but instead he commended me on my hard work and offered me a job as a fill in Cabin Leader next week. A PROMOTION. Talk about a sign from God. It's just like what Josh has been pounding into everyone's heads this week: you don't have to pay the ransome for forgiveness and grace, because Jesus already did. I will have to work harder, of course, but Tom knows what I am capible of and gave me another gift without me having to live up to it. I promise, it makes more sense in my mind. The fact that I am gonna have to step up even more before Sunday scares me immensely, but I know that God is my strength, and if I am gonna succeed at this job and have a fulfilling summer, I will have to embrace the fact that I am merely a servant in God's plan for these campers this summer.

That's Unfortunate: The Struggle

With my birthday quickly approaching, I did what any girl who is 14 going on 18 would do: shop. Raised in a quite modest household when it comes to apparel, I find myself turning down articles of clothing more and more frequently, not because they aren't adorable (because they so are) but because I have this tiny, pestering voice in the back of my head judging them: "That wouldn't be very flattering... WAY too short... Where would you ever wear that?" I love the idea of spending the rest of my summer days in cute blouses with complementary skirts that would make me the belle of the ball, even if I am at a county fair. Should shopping for the latest trends leave me discouraged and self conscious, or should it excite me and make me full of bliss? Despite the fact that I may not have the most ideal body (with my monstrously long legs for a girl my age and the fact that I am not a stick with less than 10% body fat) it shouldn't be a constant trouble in my life to find the perfect skirt or the shorts that don't fit me like underwear or the extremely well fitting blouse. I shouldn't have to settle for jeans and a t-shirt merely due to the fact that the search of a fashionable yet well fitting outfit is too burdening. I have witnessed some girls in my time who just throw all these factors out of the window and stroll in clothing that is ill fitting and just makes you want to say "Oh My", but sometimes I wish I could be like them, not caring what other people think and wearing whatever I want to wear anyway, but the rest of me is happy to have the mind i have, just because I would rather be remembered because of who I am, not because I was the girl who didn't dress to her body type, or wore skirts that looked good on the rack but when worn your rump sticks out the back without even bending over. For now, I suppose I will just stick with my jeans and occasional jems I find at Marshalls, but I long for the day that the snobby fashion designers that create these looks now will be replaced by practical people who, when they create a new trend, will make it to every body, from the skinny and the round, to the short people and the people who have legs longer than the Empire State Building.